The Empire of Free Closfurbatica is a mammoth, efficient nation, renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, zero percent divorce rate, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 5.383 billion Closfurbaticans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 89.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Closfurbatican economy, worth 834 trillion dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 154,888 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 467,459 per year while the poor average 39,984, a ratio of 11.7 to 1.

Citizens who become homeless are immediately executed, each infantry rifle comes pre-loaded with a single white carnation in the barrel, modern warfare's call of duty isn't popular with gamers these days, and protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Free Closfurbatica's national animal is the emu, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Free Closfurbatica is ranked 305,607^th in the world and 30^th in Federal Legion for Nicest Citizens, with 0.33 average smiles per day.