The Beer Products of Guinness is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Diageo with a fair hand, and notable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, punitive income tax rates, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 20.609 billion Guinnessians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small, corrupt government prioritizes Education, although Industry, Environment, and Defense are also considered important, while Spirituality and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of St James Gate Brewery. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 83.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Guinnessian economy, worth a remarkable 8,396 trillion pints a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Retail, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 407,443 pints, with the richest citizens earning 9.7 times as much as the poorest.

The "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance, vaccinations are mandatory, abortions are routinely performed in the nation's hospitals, and large sections of Guinness have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there. Crime is totally unknown. Guinness's national animal is the toucan, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Guinness.

Guinness is ranked 323,251^st in the world and 3^rd in Guinness for Nicest Citizens, with 0.34 average smiles per day.