The Armed Federation of Haistinland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 15.716 billion Haistinlandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pond City. The average income tax rate is 94.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Haistinlandian economy, worth a remarkable 2,520 trillion ducklings a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 160,347 ducklings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Kilts and cassocks are viewed with suspicion, visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with Leader, Leader's used car is held together by bumper stickers that support the opposition, and Leader's perky ego is the talk of the town. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haistinland's national animal is the duck, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Haistinland is ranked 286,986^th in the world and 124^th in The Pangaean Union for Most Primitive, scoring -483.18 on the Scary Big Number Scale.