The Republic of James Milner is a massive, efficient nation, remarkable for its state-planned economy, otherworldly petting zoo, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.121 billion James Milnerians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 63.4%.

The powerhouse James Milnerian economy, worth 126 trillion Balls a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 112,935 Balls, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma, TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas, the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust, and stranded mountaineers can watch livestreamed footage of their rescues. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. James Milner's national animal is the Ball, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

James Milner is ranked 311,454^th in the world and 38^th in Football for Highest Drug Use, scoring 11.13 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.