The Halfback of Jonathan Taylor is a mammoth, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its smutty television, disturbing lack of elderly people, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.175 billion Jonathan Taylorians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 75.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Jonathan Taylorian economy, worth a remarkable 1,127 trillion bronze nickels a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 182,601 bronze nickels, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Boys are shocked by the revolutionary lesson that women are actually human, the government spends millions of bronze nickels every year prosecuting spammers, money can't buy you love but you can purchase a reasonable approximation of it, and the average video game can be completed over lunch break. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Jonathan Taylor's national animal is the rockwarbler, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Jonathan Taylor is ranked 317,489^th in the world and 6^th in Indianapolis Colts for Safest, scoring 7.03 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.