The Colony of Kindergarten Crew is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its restrictive gun laws, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 1.401 billion Kindergarten Crewians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.2%.

The very strong Kindergarten Crewian economy, worth 85.4 trillion aurums a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Woodchip Exports industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Arms Manufacturing, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is 60,979 aurums, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 338,692 per year while the poor average 5,506, a ratio of 61.5 to 1.

TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas, it is illegal to make racist remarks in public, Harry Potter books are banned, and maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter. Crime is a problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Kindergarten Crew's national animal is the bovina, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Kindergarten Crew is ranked 256,660^th in the world and 1^st in A New Day for Lowest Crime Rates, with 48.36 law-abiding acts per hour.