The Soviet Socialist Republic of Lazzaro is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by the People's Soviet with an even hand, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, complete lack of prisons, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 14.823 billion Lazzareans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lazzaro. The average income tax rate is 97.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Lazzarean economy, worth a remarkable 2,170 trillion Lire a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 146,407 Lire, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

It is said that the captain goes down with the ship but ecological protection goes up, Lazzaro's citizens often wander into each other's homes, diplomats agree to the terms and conditions of peace treaties without reading them, and debating the meaning of life is widely viewed as a crucifying experience. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lazzaro's national animal is the Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Lazzaro is ranked 6,163^rd in the world and 30^th in the Plains of Perdition for Smartest Citizens, with 118.03 quips per hour.