The City of Malolos is a mammoth, safe nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service and irreverence towards religion. The hard-working, democratic population of 8.306 billion Malolosians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Barangay Longos. The average income tax rate is 27.2%.

The Malolosian economy, worth 367 trillion pesos a year, is led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Pizza Delivery. Average income is 44,200 pesos, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.6 times as much as the poorest.

Malolosian watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact and Malolos recently decided against having a capital city. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Malolos's national animal is the eagle.

Malolos is ranked 83,240^th in the world and 3,644^th in Balder for Rudest Citizens, with 61.89 insults per minute.