The Republic of Melonania is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Prime Minister Bill with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, state-planned economy, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 12.101 billion Melonanians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melon City. The average income tax rate is 29.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Melonanian economy, worth 874 trillion Lonas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, Automobile Manufacturing, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 72,306 Lonas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

Producers insist that movie stars wear crash helmets in every scene, popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs, chess defeat has made Prime Minister Bill the laughingstock of dictators and grandmasters alike, and praying before a battle is a court-martial offence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Melonania's national animal is the Cobra, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Melonania is ranked 100,514^th in the world and 4^th in Valderon for Lowest Crime Rates, with 65.79 law-abiding acts per hour.