The Republican Protectorate of Nes Blando is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Governor Of the Republic with an iron fist, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 4.281 billion Nes Blandoans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of California. The average income tax rate is 66.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Nes Blandoan economy, worth 770 trillion Lips a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 180,044 Lips, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Insanely good theatre productions face government censorship, nocturnal burglars are grateful for the convenient beverages on welcoming doorsteps, farmers sing lullabies to soothe their livestock to sleep, and pallbearers at military funerals dive for cover when they hear the three-volley salute. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nes Blando's national animal is the Lynx, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Desert Dance.

Nes Blando is ranked 94,213^th in the world and 91^st in The Funian Puppet Region for Most Primitive, scoring 4.58 on the Scary Big Number Scale.