The Republic of New Cagayan de Oro is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Sovereign with an iron fist, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, keen interest in outer space, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.964 billion New Cagayan de Oroans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mesopotamia. The average income tax rate is 77.8%.

The frighteningly efficient New Cagayan de Oroan economy, worth a remarkable 2,353 trillion Gold coins a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 168,545 Gold coins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Agreeing to appear on TV is often the best way to access social care, being impolite in public is punishable by heavy fines, residents firmly believe there is no spoon (New Cagayan de Oro has found 4 easter eggs), and prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned significant others. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Cagayan de Oro's national animal is the wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Melchizedek Order.

New Cagayan de Oro is ranked 184,702^nd in the world and 10^th in Ancient for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 53.6 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.