The Republic of Nordwald is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Bundeskanzler Lutz Ostwalder with an even hand, and notable for its pith helmet sales, anti-smoking policies, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 5.818 billion Nordwaldians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Südwaldstadt. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Nordwaldian economy, worth a remarkable 1,150 trillion Walders a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 197,803 Walders, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes, children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings, and genocide is seen as a topic best avoided in history lessons. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nordwald's national animal is the Baummarder, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Nordwald is ranked 290,400^th in the world and 6,327^th in The North Pacific for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.24 kickbacks per hour.