The Empire of Pontusia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by God-Emperor Bulluk XIV with an iron fist, and renowned for its unlimited-speed roads, flagrant waste-dumping, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.085 billion Pontusians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lambgrad. The average income tax rate is 6.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Pontusian economy, worth a remarkable 3,755 trillion Shekels a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 266,655 Shekels, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

Barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South Holy Banana Lord Sea, the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism, the new one Shekel coin also makes a handy throwing-star, and people forget to eat because they are too busy singing God-Emperor Bulluk XIV's praises. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Pontusia's national animal is the Holy Banana Lord, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Zoroastrianism.

Pontusia is ranked 1,191^st in the world and 2^nd in New Western Empire for Most Corrupt Governments, with 446.72 kickbacks per hour.