The Hostile Corporate Takeover of Schlemeils is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Kraut Killers with an iron fist, and renowned for its rampant corporate plagiarism, frequent executions, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 42.592 billion Schlemeilians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The minute, corrupt government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Krautopolis. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Schlemeilsian economy, worth an astonishing 10,830 trillion Platinum Bars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Gambling. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 254,289 Platinum Bars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

People can get away with murder these days, the nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks, contestants on Schlemeils's Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent, and Scout campfire sing-a-longs tend to focus on the evils of antitrust legislation. Crime is pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Schlemeils's national animal is the Mongoose Dog, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Gatesville Catholocism.

Schlemeils is ranked 1,515^th in the world and 3^rd in Gatesville Inc for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 16,192.44 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.