The Washing Machine Theft Victim of Somewheretopia is a huge, safe nation, ruled by Daniel II with an even hand, and remarkable for its avowedly heterosexual populace, ban on automobiles, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, devout population of 942 million Somewheretopians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Spirituality, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cairo. The average income tax rate is 43.0%.

The strong Somewheretopian economy, worth 64.1 trillion pounds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Cheese Exports, Basket Weaving, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 68,005 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber, petting zoos have loose fingers strewn about, animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs, and asthmatics can now suffer the effects of polluting chimneys from further away than ever before. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Somewheretopia's national animal is the eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Somewheretopia is ranked 13,136^th in the world and 16^th in The UMNS for Nicest Citizens, with 27.03 average smiles per day.