The Energy Drink of Speed Cola is a massive, safe nation, remarkable for its ban on automobiles, compulsory gun ownership, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 2.573 billion Speed Colans are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 51.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Speed Colan economy, worth 113 trillion dollars a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Door-to-door Insurance Sales, Basket Weaving, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 44,100 dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen, uploading purple prose to social media earns a place on a government watchlist, children asking questions about science are referred to relevant sections in religious texts, and the experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Wolf Dung" has been declared a national treasure. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Speed Cola's national animal is the wolf, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Speed Cola is ranked 44,989^th in the world and 2^nd in Mental Health Institute for Most Patriotic, with 29.78 flags saluted per person per day.