The Emirate of Ump39 is a colossal, orderly nation, notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, ritual sacrifices, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.783 billion Ump39ians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 81.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Ump39ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,572 trillion Euros a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 231,807 Euros, with the richest citizens earning 8.7 times as much as the poorest.

Immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites, faceless corporations are expected to assume parental responsibility over millions of teenagers, the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars, and the nation's diplomatic missives are now delivered via sniper rifle. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ump39's national animal is the Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Ump39 is ranked 259,617^th in the world and 9,054^th in Balder for Most Primitive, scoring -186.68 on the Scary Big Number Scale.