The Ancient Realm of Valentium is a colossal, safe nation, remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 4.463 billion Valentiumians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.3%.

The very strong Valentiumian economy, worth 281 trillion rubles a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Pizza Delivery, Gambling, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 63,125 rubles, with the richest citizens earning 6.4 times as much as the poorest.

Pretending to be prejudiced is a good way to get out of jury duty, many aides in Leader's office are known to be serial jaywalkers, charged suspects often have to wait years before the courts have room to judge their trial, and couples kissing on the street are detained for 'unlawful exchange of genetic material'. Crime, especially youth-related, is relatively low. Valentium's national animal is the falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Valentium is ranked 235,528^th in the world and 1^st in Astraea for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 29.2 on the Bus Surprisal Index.