The Republic of Van Halen is a mammoth, orderly nation, renowned for its public floggings, compulsory vegetarianism, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 8.253 billion Van Halenians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pasadena. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Van Halenian economy, worth a remarkable 1,026 trillion vans a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 124,359 vans, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 383,983 per year while the poor average 31,072, a ratio of 12.4 to 1.

Autopsies often involve only cursory examination, pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil, the nation's green cities are indeed concrete jungles, and emperors are sacrificed to Violet to save on postage. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Van Halen's national animal is the halen, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Van Halen is ranked 312,221^st in the world and 15^th in California for Safest, scoring 9.51 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.