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Dispatch → Bulletin → News
the Bunion - Issue No. 2
APC Leadership "Shocked and Appalled" By NPO Cleaning Up Act
By Ark
Pictured: Pharaoh Altino expressing her sincere disappointment in the New Pacific Order for doing nothing evil.
APC HEADQUARTERS - The leadership of the Anti-Pacific Coalition expressed their dismay this week at an APC conference, condemning the New Pacific Order, government of the Pacific, for refusing to engage in further acts of villainy after a scathing article by the Miniluv Messenger revealed widespread intelligence and infiltration operations perpetrated by the NPO in several regions, including Osiris, Lazarus, and many others. Osiran Pharaoh 
Altinsane brought up several grievances regarding the NPO's recent actions, among them the fact that the NPO has "removed its former leadership, attempted to pay reparations to the offended parties, and even gone so far as to claim that they are no longer pursuing intelligence operations." This sentiment was echoed by notable members of the APC.
In response to these allegations, the NPO had this to say:
It has been brought to our attention that serious allegations have been leveled against our organization as of late. We are here to say that these rumors are demonstrably untrue, and we take sincere offense to them. While there have, indeed, been some internal reforms and attempts to curtail bureaucratic mishaps, the Order is still very much committed to our core goal of providing authentic and entertaining acts of heinous villainy. We admit that mistakes have been made: notably, we have given certain members of our admininstration free reign to do as they saw fit, and they have deviated significantly from our mission. There have recently been attempts by these subversives to undermine our goal by reaching out to regions in good will, advocating for liberalist foreign policy, and purposefully neglecting to meet their Gameplay Salt quotas. These benevolent troublemakers shall be identified and punished at once.
Fedele On Good Behavior, Authorities Concerned
By Ark
Pictured: TEP Delegate Fedele after his last birthday party.
CAPITOL DISTRICT, TEP - Authorities and regional leaders expressed concern earlier today over the recent behavior of The East Pacific Delegate 
Fedele - namely, how positive it has been. Sighted at a recent Gala held for the visiting delegation from Balder, Mr. Fedele "behaved like a respectable, diplomatic, chivalrous delegate," noted a source close to the Delegate. The source further expanded their point by saying: "it was deeply unnerving, watching him greet guests energetically and not return to the champagne fountain more than three times." Some time into the event, East Pacific Secret Service agents were sighted pulling the delegate aside and testing him to ensure he had not been poisoned.
The Bunion then reached out to Mr. Fedele's personal Physician, Mcstooley, for comment. Mr. Stooley explained to us the process he went through trying to determine the cause of the Delegate's sudden lack of desire to cause collateral damage:
Well, at first I thought maybe he was having a problem with drugs, but I checked his blood and he'd been doing plenty, so that couldn't have been the problem. Then I thought maybe he wasn't getting enough sleep, but sure enough his Friday Afternoon Ambien was gone. I ran a number of tests to ensure Fedele was physically unchanged, and sure enough, he was. My professional opinion is that the Delegate is so dedicated to being unpredictable that he's gone full circle into being a normal politician. It's the last thing you'd expect from him, after all.
Lazarus CEO Considering Resignation After Old Tweets Come To Light
By Ark
Pictured: Sean Hannity attempts to defend yet another Businessperson's offensive tweet from 2016.
LAZCORP HQ - Shareholders in Lazarus were shocked Tuesday when certain offensive tweets posted by CEO Imkiville were brought to light amidst a recent cultural movement focused on tolerance and accountability swept the world of NationStates. In the tweets, the multi-millionaire CEO makes several outlandish and discriminatory claims, mainly regarding nation pretitles, flags, and discord appearance choices. Many prominent politicians have stood in solidarity with Imki, defending her tweets as "free speech." One tweet in particular has caused the Board of Directors for LazCorp to formally request Imki's resignation. The tweet can be viewed here:
Ms. Ville, for her part, had this to say when the Bunion reached out for comment:
It was just a joke, yeah? Things were different back then. it was okay to make fun of dark themers. What happened to that, anyway? When did we all become snowflakes? It used to be that Light themers and Dark themers could make fun of each other and laugh it off. And it's not like I'm against dark theme, or anything. Some of my best friends use dark theme! My son married a girl who uses dark theme! I mean, I didn't go to the wedding, but that's unrelated. Oh wait, are you already recording?
What followed was a relatively productive conversation, until Imkiville realized that the reporter interviewing her was a Compact mode user, after which the CEO blocked the reporter after saying "that just ain't natural."
