The Disputed Territories of Eastern Kalamazoom is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Doctor Death with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, enslaved workforce, and complete lack of public education. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.685 billion Eastern Kalatches are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Citadel of Blood. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Eastern Kalamazoomian economy, worth a remarkable 5,332 trillion Crosskills a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 319,619 Crosskills, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,982,379 per year while the poor average 3,019, a ratio of 987 to 1.

Bleach is the nation's most common pesticide, actively encouraging climate change is helping reduce winter fuel costs, new urban roads are threatening city parks, and fitness to teach sport is proven by urinating the furthest up a wall. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Eastern Kalamazoom's national animal is the Bearded Wartsaur, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Death Worship.

Eastern Kalamazoom is ranked 291,056^th in the world and 167^th in Lands End for Most Beautiful Environments, with 1.02 pounds of wildlife per square mile.