The Sun-Scorched Saxon Kingdom of Esplandia is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Emperor Irwin IV with an iron fist, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, ban on automobiles, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 18.849 billion Esplandians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Industry, although Education, Environment, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Law & Order and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Karþied. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 49.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Esplandish economy, worth a remarkable 3,805 trillion Scylds a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Cheese Exports, Retail, Basket Weaving, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 201,903 Scylds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,826,730 per year while the poor average 2,659, a ratio of 686 to 1.

Citizens must pay to enjoy Esplandia's pristine beaches, families must live in a village for a century before they get any say in how it runs, heart attack victims are thrown onto the rails, and white chocolate is neither chocolate nor food. Crime is moderate, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Esplandia's national animal is the Falcon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Eallostianism.

Esplandia is ranked 25,730^th in the world and 1,066^th in The North Pacific for Highest Food Quality, scoring 92 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.