The Kingdom of Haganham is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by Ulrich Von Hagan with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, complete lack of prisons, and frequent executions. The cynical, devout population of 11.037 billion Hagans are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The enormous, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Spirituality, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Haganham. The average income tax rate is 70.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Haganhamian economy, worth 694 trillion Marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Basket Weaving, Furniture Restoration, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 62,953 Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Owning a really cute pet is grounds for immediate investigation, tweenage nobles order army regiments to do their homework for them, murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour, and nobles' fancy titles no longer help them cut in line at the supermarket. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haganham's national animal is the Boar, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Haganham is ranked 322,400^th in the world and 25^th in Palatine for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring -10.58 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.