The Constitutional Monarchy of Ilkeston is a mammoth, genial nation, ruled by philip with an iron fist, and notable for its museums and concert halls, digital currency, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 7.211 billion Ilkestonians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of london. The average income tax rate is 77.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ilkestonian economy, worth 927 trillion bitcoins a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 128,589 bitcoins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Gun ownership is compulsory, fiscal policy hawks decry the sizable "panem et circenses" fund added to the public budget, Ilkestonians ask their doctors whether chili peppers are right for them, and nobody expected the fruit inquisition. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ilkeston's national animal is the sheep, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Ilkeston is ranked 10,826^th in the world and 17^th in Empire of Great Britain for Nicest Citizens, with 29.98 average smiles per day.