The Holy Monarchy of Patek Phillippe is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Sir Kanye West with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, triple-decker prams, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 6.193 billion Patek Phillippeans are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Patek City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 65.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Patek Phillippean economy, worth 729 trillion Dollars a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 117,793 Dollars, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

A stitch in time could see you serving nine, new government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps, safety warnings are prohibited lest they give people ideas, and exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patek Phillippe's national animal is the Panther, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Christianity.

Patek Phillippe is ranked 138,355^th in the world and 56^th in The Mood for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,084.9 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.