The Holy Empire of Primitivos is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Jô Soares cavernoso with a fair hand, and renowned for its complete lack of prisons, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 1.147 billion Primitivos are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cavernas limpinhas. The average income tax rate is 74.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Primitivista economy, worth 141 trillion Coroa Sacras a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 123,706 Coroa Sacras, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in Cavernas limpinhas's playgrounds, the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions, children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits, and political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Primitivos's national animal is the Galão de Londres, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Jazz.

Primitivos is ranked 42,428^th in the world and 12^th in Union Brazilian for Highest Average Incomes, with 123,706.8 Standard Monetary Units.