| Population | 4.225 billion |
| Capital | The Fortressa |
| Leader | John Arstotzka |
| Faith | Arstotzkanism |
| Currency | Arstotzkan Credit |
| Animal | Dragon |
The Federal Republic of The Better Arstotzka is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by John Arstotzka with an iron fist, and notable for its ban on automobiles, aversion to nipples, and strictly enforced bedtime. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 4.225 billion Better Arstotzkans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."
The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Administration, and Industry are also considered important, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Fortressa. The average income tax rate is 95.3%.
The frighteningly efficient Better Arstotzkan economy, worth a remarkable 1,590 trillion Arstotzkan Credits a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 376,443 Arstotzkan Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.
Nature reserves often contain artificial waterfalls and concrete paths, unwary hikers climbing the bluffs of Mount The Fortressa make great practice for foreign snipers, loss of the ability to speak is a common affliction of the elderly, and members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Better Arstotzka's national animal is the Dragon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Arstotzkanism.
The Better Arstotzka is ranked 781st in the world and 3rd in The Brotherhood of Malice for Most Patriotic, with 128.83 flags saluted per person per day.
National Happenings
Most Recent Government Activity:
- :
The Better Arstotzka was ranked in the Top 10% of the world for Largest Insurance Industry.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, loss of the ability to speak is a common affliction of the elderly.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, unwary hikers climbing the bluffs of Mount The Fortressa make great practice for foreign snipers.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, nature reserves often contain artificial waterfalls and concrete paths.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists.
- : The Better Arstotzka was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Highest Average Incomes, Most Scientifically Advanced, Highest Poor Incomes, and Most Patriotic and the Top 5% for Highest Wealthy Incomes.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, escaped birthday balloons are torpedoed out of the sky.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, a vast monorail network carries people all over the country.
- : Following new legislation in The Better Arstotzka, in a desperate bid for cheap airfare Better Arstotzkans can be seen jogging in a rubber suit just before flying.
