The United Districts of Tsarus is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Prime Eldritch Minister Jozef Kaiser with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, smutty television, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.001 billion Tsarusians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Education, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Teissure. The average income tax rate is 75.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tsarusian economy, worth a remarkable 5,387 trillion Units a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 269,377 Units, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements, evidence-based arguments can be arrestable offenses, foragers descend on national cemeteries for 'all-you-can-dig-up' extravaganzas, and a little pushing and pulling is needed for big ships to pass. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Tsarus's national animal is the Timber Wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Tsarusian Orthodoxy.

Tsarus is ranked 14,794^th in the world and 1^st in Tsarus for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 4,105.74 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.