The Calvinist Republic of Zealasia is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by John Calvin with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, compulsory military service, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 11.255 billion Calvinists are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Geneva. The average income tax rate is 95.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Calvinist economy, worth a remarkable 1,415 trillion Francs a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 125,806 Francs, with the richest citizens earning 7.3 times as much as the poorest.

Planes can be grounded for months simply because an inspector "didn't like the color", the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem", there's no cure or sympathy for the common cold, and agricultural employees work for peanuts. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zealasia's national animal is the Cow, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Zealasia is ranked 33,735^th in the world and 1,994^th in Osiris for Highest Food Quality, scoring 53.78 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.