The Democratic Assembly

This answer is complicated, since it puts people (whom which I will not name to refrain from calling out) into an area of my own bias, therefore I will not say their names. But for a while now, Astellaria seemed less and less welcoming as a community. In fact I had left this server on my own whims before, plenty of times. But there were some catalysts that broke the camel's back. Firstly, there was an incident that wasn't in Astellaria itself, but was in aspen. I gave it the moniker of the "December 5th incident." Essentially, an influx of new people joined the server, and had pushed the limits of moderation. (From what I can recall) Only one official warning was given. Yes this was partially due to some members leaving the server afterward, but the effects were there to see. It had gotten so bad that I had proposed a radical change to fix it, which was shot down of course because of how radical it was.
I had calmed down and believed that things would fix itself in due time. Sadly I was only partially right. The following year, another incident in particular, it involved one of the semi-prominent members of the community who was previously a member of the Government, they had made trolly statements towards members of the community. They had previously received a warning for actions like this, twice. By that virtue, and the rule of Astellaria, they should have been taken out of the discord. Yet they remained in there, the said person that they were trolling left the server and would leave NS permanently, and has not returned since.
Then this year came, and a whole slew of things came up, more people began leaving the server, more people began complaining about the current state of the server. Someone who I found to be close to left the server because of certain people. In fact, certain people had pushed me towards leaving the server. But I continued forth, because Astellaria was my home, and I wasn't quite ready to leave. Then came that fateful day, Celestial Officer elections. I threw my hat into the ring, mainly because I had thought I would win, but as it came out, it was evident that that was not the case. The rest of this will be explained later in detail but all you need to know is that two of these candidates were repeat offenders, running for office that would hold a moderation role, knowing that I made a decision that I would later learn was illegal because my illiterate mind scanned over the announcement.
By now, I felt like I was the enemy. Henceforth, I no longer had an attachment to the region, so I left. I remember the circumstances of my other time retreating back to this sanctuary, the reasons were different but the point had still stranded, there was an aspect of "unwelcomeness" that existed, and was pointed out by others, but was not fixed. Fast forward a week, and I felt regret over my decision. I was going to rejion the server, until I saw something. I will not say what, but someone contacted me proving my greatest fear, someone had lashed out because of the elections and it had become evident that another user was leaving the community. This wasn't just some small fry, this was a community leader who had been a member of the region since its founding. Sure they had other reasons too, but they had emphasized that a certain event that made them leave. So I held off from rejoining, which leads me to my second question

Probably not for the foreseeable future, hell my future on this site looks more turbulent than ever. I don't know if I am going to keep at NS or leave permanently, for now I will stick to my chops in P2TM and continue working on RPs there.

So about an hour into the elections (mind you this is about 8pm for me at CST) I had a clear vision on who I wanted to win the elections, who I'd be ok with winning the elections and who didn't fall in that category. As the race entered its third hour, it looked like that there was a tie between one of the candidates that I knew would help the community, and one of the candidates that I'd fear would not. So, I sent a message to one of the people who voted for me, not knowing that it was against the rules because I had skimmed over the rules. Its funny how someone ho ran her election on Reason and Justice did something so irrational and unjust. Of course I sent the message and went to sleep

Little did I know when I woke up, the message was now plastered on the announcements board, I didn't know how it ended up there or if the person who I sent it to ratted me out. (To be fair, if I was in their shoes, I would have done the same thing) but by now people began flooding my DMs about questions like "why did you do it?" or "how could you do this?". In all honesty, I don't know why looking back, I should have trusted the democratic processes of the region, and if things went wrong then I would leave. But I had to ensure that I would remain in the server. Because I was still afraid of leaving, because I still had attachments.

Maybe that's a reason why I did it, I did only have the community's interest in mind, I really didn't know the consequences of my actions until it was way too late. I do regret that decision, since it led to the community being more fractured than I left it. I know I was the one in the wrong here, and looking back at it, I'd have done things differently. Story of my life I guess, too little, too late. Apologies alone cannot repair what I had done, but its the step in the right direction. So I guess I will say that, I'm sorry for what I did, I understand that it was a mistake. But the issues stated before remain, and until I feel like these issues are rectified, or at least when I believe that the time is ready for me to come back. I will not return, and remain in my sanctuary of peace.