The Republic of Crimnias is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its restrictive gun laws, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 224 million Crimniasians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Public Transport. The average income tax rate is 71.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but sluggish Crimniasian economy, worth 5.34 trillion Euros a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, Pizza Delivery, and Tourism. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 23,823 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There's no cure or sympathy for the common cold, workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings, opposition party MPs campaign shirtless to show off their numerous lash scars, and the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crimnias's national animal is the Chicken, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Crimnias is ranked 29,931^st in the world and 1,048^th in The North Pacific for Safest, scoring 109.26 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.