The Pub of Cynical Alcoholics is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by czar casm with an even hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, compulsory military service, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 47.47 billion Alcoholics are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Education, with Industry and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Scotchistan. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Cynically Alcoholic economy, worth an astonishing 16,394 trillion corpses a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 345,362 corpses, with the richest citizens earning 7.8 times as much as the poorest.

It's easier to amputate than it is to obtain penicillin, foreign powers often deal with problems that Cynical Alcoholics can't handle, diplomats expel enough hot air to cause forest fires, and the value of the corpse is directly tied to the strength of the previous hurricane season. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cynical Alcoholics's national animal is the pink elephant, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Alcoholism.

Cynical Alcoholics is ranked 3,738^th in the world and 11^th in Hell for Fattest Citizens, with 32 Obesity Rate.