The Kingdom of Falesi is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Queen Ewalani Kekaueha with an even hand, and notable for its public floggings, pith helmet sales, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, devout population of 3.365 billion Maolians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kohala. The average income tax rate is 34.1%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Falesian economy, worth 181 trillion Kālās a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Trout Farming industry, with major contributions from Basket Weaving, Woodchip Exports, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 53,872 Kālās, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Diplomatic missions typically end with a flurry of childish insults, accusations and phlegm, Queen Ewalani Kekaueha is called 'Patches' at international summits, Queen Ewalani Kekaueha has just been declared ruler of Falesi in an international press conference, and Christianity has been named as Falesi's national religion. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Falesi's national animal is the Maolian Sea Turtle, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Christianity.

Falesi is ranked 216,442^nd in the world and 7,075^th in Balder for Fattest Citizens, with 8.89 Obesity Rate.