The Federation of Hawkinss is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Mrballsdangle with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, frequent executions, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 1.529 billion Hawkinssians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Hawkins. The average income tax rate is 77.3%.

The all-consuming Hawkinssian economy, worth 207 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 135,423 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

Morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom, female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast, community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home, and people can't decide between preserving forests and buying print copies of 'Dogman Versus The Giggler'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hawkinss's national animal is the leopard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Hawkinss is ranked 20,193^rd in the world and 285^th in 10000 Islands for Most Beautiful Environments, with 1,022.05 pounds of wildlife per square mile.