by Max Barry

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Most World Assembly Endorsements: 988thMost Influential: 1,325thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,403rd
The Dictatorship of
Psychotic Dictatorship
Government Knows Best!
Tsar Clouseau
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population12.576 billion

LeaderTsar Clouseau
FaithPink Panther-ism


The Dictatorship of Tessau is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Tsar Clouseau with an iron fist, and notable for its ban on automobiles, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 12.576 billion Pencil-Pushers are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dresden. The average income tax rate is 94.4%.

The large but underdeveloped Tessauan economy, worth 568 trillion Silvers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 45,238 Silvers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers, courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Pencil-Pushers, healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease, and Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Tessau as a reminder of their "special relationship". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessau's national animal is the Ghost, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pink Panther-ism.

Tessau is ranked 4,786th in the world and 230th in The North Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 109.77 Law-abiding Acts Per Hour.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 988thMost Influential: 1,325thTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,403rdLowest Crime Rates: 4,786thHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,192ndHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 5,327thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,839thMost Beautiful Environments: 7,591stMost Stationary: 7,836thBest Weather: 8,744thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8,774thLargest Governments: 10,411thTop
Healthiest Citizens: 10,731stMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10,983rdMost Authoritarian: 11,799thLongest Average Lifespans: 15,343rdLargest Black Market: 17,281stLargest Populations: 18,918thSafest: 19,530th
Most Stationary: 176th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 178th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 198th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 230th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 240th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 306th in the regionLargest Populations: 348th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 393rd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 403rd in the regionBest Weather: 470th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 476th in the regionLargest Governments: 502nd in the regionTop
Most Influential: 546th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 577th in the regionLargest Black Market: 584th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 645th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 720th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 819th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 911th in the regionMost Cultured: 1,009th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 190 » Notyoutopia, Selfgradatude, Sunto, Frances Francis the First of France, Corfad, Yaorozu, Xentherida, Unimaginable Doom, Shadowrik, Holy Oranz, Calamazo, Wineclaw, Siwale, Malta Comino Gozo, Pallaith, Kwaj, Diodone, Yukti, Kelvaros Prime, Buckerino, The Iron Lions, Cloydicia, Moubarakistan, Universal State Formula, PlanetPunk, Territorio di Nessuno, Maott, Eglise Sainte Eve, Puczovska, Atain, Shibutani, Former English Colony, Koda-Land, Highton Islands, The Gamer Party, Whereisthatistan, Zeternia, United Draconia, Empy, Ethnon, El Fiji Grande, Dar es Saalam, Amestris-Britannia, Wilkshire, Pasargad, The Rhein States, The Most Freedom Ever, New Pruessen, SORT, Valhalla123, and 140 others.North Bratislava, Vincone Cae, Omnistria, Unsophisticate, Napnomadia, Bearical, Dreadton, Ninjak30, The Windmilluminati, Amauri, Guer Aike, The Sinclarian Provinces, Niradans, Votak Matim, Egalico, Solmetria, Joodey, Steampunk Ariel, Plangainer, Trillius, Destructive Government Endorsing System, Noahs Second Country, Loutsland, Alpinea, Haor Chall, Astrind, Kobagia, Glurponia, Runeda, Orado, Daiz, Seenvorland, The Tampa Bay Rays, New Octicarg, McMasterdonia, The Stratosphere Islands, Kasazzastan, Eri-Maqa-Ena, Sundred, Sil Dorsett, Great Bights Mum, Zumlandia, Nakayo, Wisconsota, Gnomewatchers, 1 very fast endotarter, Eteles, United Kahndaq, Kranostav, PotatoFarmers, Pazair, Newpromisedland, Clan Spaniel, Dabarastan, Viridiann, Zyvetskistaahn, Interdimensional Zone, Ravendi, Castle Federation, Palgo, Valentine Z, Praeceps, Volstokn, Cobleck Weleis, Abject Ludicrosity, Tachycardia, Fendlium, Lungha, Hamerica, Loli County, Merconitonitopia, Valatic Ash, Xagill, The New Communist Republic Of States, MiaryBhalzhack, Yokciq Empire, The Endless Eventide, New Jamgra, Lendara, Serendipita Martia, SherpDaWerp in TNP, Ihese, Crader, Prevaland, The World Capitalist Confederation, Nistriabar, Antiyard, Varola, Supreme Leader Hadrian, Unshleepd, Woodsend, New Lakemba, The Pantheons, Korovan Isles, Californian Redwood, Westinor, Astronomical, Fauzjhia, The Serdey Islands, Greater Pittsburgh, Mesopotama, PortvgaI, Frostcell, Sikol, Saperisole, Zzozona, Iztocna Slavija, Hoglands, Plutayah, Confederacy of Antarctica, Termathe, Veast, Prydania, I Like Killing people, The Calabash Protectorate, Shinjuku tokyo 0, Kocherian, Seanat, Libertania Democratica, Brucklania, Arichia, Schnuftelland, Damsmel, Borsukia, The New Cordian Empire, Madjack, Ihsan, Xipher, The Federal Republic of Scouseland, Kragsgale, Amerian States, Astal Aavors, Innocentic, Illusia and Neverendia, Simone Republic, Principia Mathematica, Ultra777, Andexia, Buckhem, and U S Eh.

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