The Kingdom of Valhardt is a small, genial nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, compulsory military service, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical population of 45 million Valhardtians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Welfare. The average income tax rate is 28.5%.

The Valhardtian economy, worth 2.35 trillion Valmarks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Woodchip Exports industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Book Publishing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 52,281 Valmarks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.1 times as much as the poorest.

Every workday begins with group therapy, the military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces", some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them, and toddler groups have taken over local libraries. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valhardt's national animal is the Black Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Valhardt is ranked 46,759^th in the world and 4^th in kingdom of Greater Esteriae for Most Cultured, scoring 73 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.