The United Socialist States of Tim Horton is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Tim Horton with a fair hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 9.666 billion Tim Hortonians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hamilton. The average income tax rate is 91.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Tim Hortonian economy, worth 969 trillion Square Meters of Dirt a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 100,301 Square Meters of Dirt, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Party affiliation is just as irrelevant as campaign promises, towns are often run by puppets, a passport is literally priceless, and houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries. Crime is totally unknown. Tim Horton's national animal is the Canadian, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Doughnuts.

Tim Horton is ranked 10,819^th in the world and 128^th in The Leftist Assembly for Highest Food Quality, scoring 155.86 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.