The United Socialist States of Zaratov is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Supreme Kommissar Sovyetskaga-Soyuza with an iron fist, and notable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, restrictive gun laws, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 19.618 billion Zaratovians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Law & Order and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Derzhost. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Zaratovian economy, worth an astonishing 11,945 trillion Rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 608,888 Rubles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds, Zaratov isn't what it used to be, a favorite "life hack" for gap year backpackers is to pretend to be homeless for government handouts, and wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zaratov's national animal is the Great Gray Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is State Atheism.

Zaratov is ranked 39,807^th in the world and 17^th in The Leftist Assembly for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 4,953.69 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.