The Colony of Phanwesia is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Grand Moff Tarkov with an even hand, and renowned for its fear of technology and irreverence towards religion. The quiet, industrious population of 1.481 billion Phanwesians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ophav. The average income tax rate is 13.3%.

The sizeable but underdeveloped Phanwesian economy, worth 40.8 trillion gobs a year, is quite specialized and led by the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Pizza Delivery, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 27,558 gobs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Panels from bankrupt rooftop solar companies are used as props for sci-fi B-movies, tourists are denied entry because of a distant relative married to a Lilliputian, religious households enthusiastically use whips in private, and the mark of a good ruler is the largeness of his chin. Crime, especially youth-related, is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Phanwesia's national animal is the camel.

Phanwesia is ranked 74,647^th in the world and 39^th in Starlight for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 40.25 on the Bus Surprisal Index.