The Principality of Epithemia is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Prince Phaila with an iron fist, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, punitive income tax rates, and restrictive gun laws. The cynical, devout population of 6.216 billion Epithemians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pand. The average income tax rate is 54.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Epithemian economy, worth 437 trillion gold rings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Pizza Delivery, Woodchip Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 70,324 gold rings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Wealthy pranksters dump refuse on unsuspecting citizens from up high, citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors, the nation's smallest cobraball teams trade draft picks for a free lunch, and the children of Epithemia are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Epithemia's national animal is the cobra, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Epithemia is ranked 112,790^th in the world and 563^rd in Carcassonne for Safest, scoring 78.45 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.