The Most Serene Republic of Valmostria is a huge, orderly nation, renowned for its irreverence towards religion. The hard-working, cynical population of 521 million Valmostrians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.5%.

The strong Valmostrian economy, worth 30.2 trillion marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Soda Sales industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Gambling. Average income is 57,914 marks, with the richest citizens earning 7.9 times as much as the poorest.

It is illegal to make racist remarks in public, tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests, Harry Potter books are banned, and politicians preface their speeches with a declaration that any resemblance to speeches given by individuals living or dead is purely coincidental. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Valmostria's national animal is the horse.

Valmostria is ranked 99,792^nd in the world and 101^st in Starlight for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 33.98 on the Bus Surprisal Index.