The Republic of Malkerta is a huge, safe nation, notable for its rum-swilling pirates, keen interest in outer space, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 551 million Malkertans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government prioritizes Education, although Law & Order, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lviv. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 10.1%.

The all-consuming Malkertan economy, worth 64.9 trillion dollars a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Furniture Restoration, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 117,804 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 433,824 per year while the poor average 22,597, a ratio of 19.2 to 1.

A recent political speech drew the ire of nerds everywhere after the speaker claimed that Darth Vader was Harry Potter's father, businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems, casino tax breaks are even bigger than their jackpots, and Malkertans are regularly fired for looking at MyFace during their lunch breaks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malkerta's national animal is the tiger, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Malkerta is ranked 294,420^th in the world and 872^nd in Europe for Most Cultured, scoring 51 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.