The Colony of Tea Jol is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by DJ Moyer with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, frequent executions, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful population of 9.687 billion Tea Jolians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Snake Island. The average income tax rate is 90.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Tea Jolian economy, worth a remarkable 2,231 trillion kronor a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 230,376 kronor, with the richest citizens earning 5.1 times as much as the poorest.

Young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus, Snake Island is a police state during international summits, the diplomatic corps stinks, and saying "don't do anything that DJ Moyer wouldn't do" doesn't exclude a great deal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tea Jol's national animal is the Boa constrictor, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Tea Jol is ranked 305,448^th in the world and 3,777^th in The East Pacific for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -3.16 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.