The Socialist Republic of New Xartoia is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Ekana Kapa Spayo with an iron fist, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, suspicion of poets, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 9.285 billion Xartoyazha are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Industry also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tianmen. The average income tax rate is 52.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Xartonjari economy, worth a remarkable 1,203 trillion Monis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 129,602 Monis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Soldiers are issued comics about superheroes punching unflattering caricatures of their enemies, international trade can be a pain to deal with, Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping, and the nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Xartoia's national animal is the Xarto Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is None.

New Xartoia is ranked 245,779^th in the world and 3,415^th in the South Pacific for Fattest Citizens, with 7.58 Obesity Rate.