The The Grand Weirdom of Jakalaka is a huge, cultured nation, ruled by Santa Claus with an even hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, frequent executions, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 792 million Numbskulls enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The relatively small, corrupt, liberal government prioritizes Defense, with Industry, Education, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of North Pole. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 18.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Jakalaki economy, worth 143 trillion Candy Canes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Gambling. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 180,784 Candy Canes, with the richest citizens earning 7.8 times as much as the poorest.

The new one Candy Cane coin also makes a handy throwing-star, most politicians belong to the Church of the Divine Kickback, it's rumored that Marche Noire knows what the nation's generals eat for breakfast, and returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Jakalaka's national animal is the Rudolf, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Jakalaka is ranked 248,536^th in the world and 4,163^rd in the South Pacific for Most Authoritarian, with 367.04 milliStalins.