The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an iron fist, and remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, aversion to nipples, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.618 billion Havenwelleans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. The average income tax rate is 18.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 2,222 trillion Havs a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 176,137 Havs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

It is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt, the bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around Grand Haven, Kevin Burke can't hear a thing when the unwashed masses throw rocks at the new state limousine, and foreign policy is based upon the principle of sieve and take. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 243,444^th in the world and 746^th in Europeia for Most Secular, with 0.88 Atheism Rate.