The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an even hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, hatred of cheese, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 24.337 billion Havenwelleans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. The average income tax rate is 4.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 4,918 trillion Havs a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 202,090 Havs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

Citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy, recreational drug businesses are regularly pruned if they grow above the maximum legal size, cheap goods stamped "Made In Dàguó" are increasingly rare, and social networking sites have discussion groups devoted to planning terrorist attacks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 9,411^th in the world and 245^th in the South Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 117 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.